Rome went from being a small town in Italy to being the center of a vast empire. This took hundreds of years and many wars. Eventually it was bound to fall; it’s a long fall from the top. This fall was extremely painful and hurtful for the Romans. The Roman Empire started to decline after the pax romana, which was a 200 year long time of peace. The Roman Empire started to decline right after the pax romana.
After Commudus was killed by one of his guards, then they sold power to the highest bidder. This led to chaos every time a leader died. All leaders became dictators, and almost all were eventually killed by their guards. The Roman Empire had 26 leaders in the next 50 years, (Mr. Sedivy). Leaders had to pay their army well to keep them happy so that they would fend off invasions. This led to high taxes and inflation. Borders were left open as Romans fought among themselves. Germanic tribes invaded, Persians took Roman lands, and Gaul tried to become independent. This was the start of the decline of the political and economic strength of the Roman Empire.
After Commudus’ death the politics in Rome went into chaos. Wealthy aristocrats paid for positions in the government; as a result they raised taxes on the poor and cut aid for those in poverty. These acts caused even more corruption. This corruption even broke up the armies of Rome; there was infighting between the armies which caused Rome to be easily infiltrated. Germans and Persians invaded Roman lands. Also Gaul’s tried to separate from the Roman Empire. (Mr. Sedivy) Also the economy of Rome went to shambles because the new leaders heavily taxed the citizens. This caused inflation which even furthered the debt that the citizens of Rome were in. This was a hard hole for Rome to dig itself out of but they tried.
Diocletian,( who was elected by the army) and Constantine were the main leaders in the reform of the politics and economy of Rome,( Mr. Sedivy). They did this in a number of ways. One of which was government workers had to keep the same job for life. Also their children had to have the same job. A political aid was moving the capital of the empire to Constantinople now known as Istanbul. Diocletian also separated the empire into two separate parts which spread power over more representatives. This made it easier on the leader. It helped educate leaders on the different cultures and necessities of different areas.
In conclusion many things led to the fall of Rome, but most of all was the end of the Pax Romana. Diocletian and Constantine were the two main benefactors of bringing the Roman Empire out of the hole that it dug for itself.
Mr. Sedivy, Initials. (n.d.). World history rise and fall of the roman empire. Retrieved from http://mr_sedivy.tripod.com/r_decline.html
1. There are 5 sentences in every paragraph except for the last one.
ReplyDelete2. The thesis statement was good, and you stated the reason that it declined.
3. You had evidence in each paragraph, but it did not have quotes around it so if it was quoted then add them.
4. There are four sentences for each piece of sourced information.
5. Your conclusion re-states your opinion, but maybe try to expand on it a little more.
6. Your fourth paragraph does include the strongest information and you stated many different ways that the Roman Empire fell in that specific situation.
7. These are no personal pronouns.
8. This essay has the correct academic tone.
9. There are no generalizations.
10. There is no unnecessary information.
This is original writing.
1. Yes, with 5 sentences in each paragraph.
ReplyDelete2. Put more into your thesis to make it form a strong argument; also, write the other side of the thesis.
3. Make sure you put quotations around the quote to signify that it is a quote. All quotes are there with APA in text-citations with and APA Bibliography.
4. Yes,with good supporting analysis.
5. Make the conclusion a little longer.
6. Good emphasis in the fourth paragraph.
7. No personal pronouns are used.
8. It is readable with no contractions.
9. Good specific information, making it not like an encyclopedia article.
10. There is no excess information
11. The writing is original and it explores the fall of Rome with interesting facts.
1. Each paragraph, except the conclusion, is 5 sentences.
ReplyDelete2. You have a thesis statement, but it is general. You could put more specific information that leads into your body paragraph.
3. You have evidence in each body paragraph, but they do not have quotation marks around them. You have the author after the quote. You have the APA format bibliography at the end of the essay.
4. You have four sentences with each quote, but in the second paragraph the sentences do not really analyze your quote.
5. You have strong conclusion statement, but you could add more sentences to the conclusion.
6. You put you most important information in the fourth paragraph.
7. You do not use any personal pronouns.
8. You have one contraction in the first paragraph (it's). You do not use any slang.
9. You have specific information.
10. All of you information is necessary.
11. This seems like original and honest writing. You prove your opinion and it makes sense. Good job!
First, please find a better source than some random classroom page. Look on our class wiki and follow one of the great resources -- including the JC library database.
ReplyDelete"The Roman Empire started to decline after the pax romana, which was a 200 year long time of peace."
This is not a thesis statement; it is just a statement of fact. You should be trying to answer the question: Did the Roman Empire fall or did it evolve?